I was watching Miss America the other day.
I think that there should be a nude competition...
Because the Miss America that I imagine doesn't have pancake nipples.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Dear Austin, Other Assholes
Thank you for voting conservative even though it was painfully obvious they didn't give a shit about Saskatchewan, reflected in the past budget which Ralph Goodale called "the biggest suckerpunch since Todd Bertuzzi," in which promises made regarding equalisation were not followed through.
Thank you for voting conservative so they could axe a bunch of great environmental programs and then institute new, crappier ones and call themselves "environmentally conscious:" a tax levi on fuel inefficient vehicles when gas is 1.03? Genius re-allocation of government resources
Thank you for voting conservative so they could suck the Bloc De Quebecois collective dick to gain their support (even though they are a federal party posited entirely on the idealology of seperation) and cater to their needs while leaving the maritimes and praries out to dry because, well, our votes just plain don't matter.
Thank you for voting conservative so they could give families with kids a couple hundred bucks back but not raise the lowest tax income bracket which, kids or not, has so many people at the poverty line struggling to survive.
Why does it seem that the political parties are so out of touch with what the people of Canada really want?
Easy: The people of Canada don't know what they want. We've got idiot kids on campus wondering why there is a shortage of professors and why the Anthropology depeartment (among others) are going to be amalgamated when they have been campaiging for a tuition freeze every year for the past several years
Here's a tip from the friendly members of the commerce college: people don't shit money
Its hard to imagine so many (supposedly) smart, educated people can be so unerringly stupid. Its almost disheartening. Its enough to make you want to give up on this great country, move to Fiji, and sell wooden sandals to Canadian and American tourists for an inflated price and live in a grass thatched hut drinking coconut milk with your ethnic wives named loopah, koko, and carol (she came from alaska to work as a geologist) and laugh at the eduated, suit wearing, ipod-listening, fancy car driving suckers who still find themselves the most civilised people in the world and democracy (read: oligarchy) the world's greatest invention
Rick Mercer for Prime Minister
Thank you for voting conservative so they could axe a bunch of great environmental programs and then institute new, crappier ones and call themselves "environmentally conscious:" a tax levi on fuel inefficient vehicles when gas is 1.03? Genius re-allocation of government resources
Thank you for voting conservative so they could suck the Bloc De Quebecois collective dick to gain their support (even though they are a federal party posited entirely on the idealology of seperation) and cater to their needs while leaving the maritimes and praries out to dry because, well, our votes just plain don't matter.
Thank you for voting conservative so they could give families with kids a couple hundred bucks back but not raise the lowest tax income bracket which, kids or not, has so many people at the poverty line struggling to survive.
Why does it seem that the political parties are so out of touch with what the people of Canada really want?
Easy: The people of Canada don't know what they want. We've got idiot kids on campus wondering why there is a shortage of professors and why the Anthropology depeartment (among others) are going to be amalgamated when they have been campaiging for a tuition freeze every year for the past several years
Here's a tip from the friendly members of the commerce college: people don't shit money
Its hard to imagine so many (supposedly) smart, educated people can be so unerringly stupid. Its almost disheartening. Its enough to make you want to give up on this great country, move to Fiji, and sell wooden sandals to Canadian and American tourists for an inflated price and live in a grass thatched hut drinking coconut milk with your ethnic wives named loopah, koko, and carol (she came from alaska to work as a geologist) and laugh at the eduated, suit wearing, ipod-listening, fancy car driving suckers who still find themselves the most civilised people in the world and democracy (read: oligarchy) the world's greatest invention
Rick Mercer for Prime Minister
Monday, March 19, 2007
Do You Support Pedophiles?
As of March 1st minimum wage has gone up from $7.55 to $7.95. A raise that the Saskatchewan government claims "...helps minimum wage earners build better futures by providing them a greater share in the growing economy they have helped to build."
Most people see minimum wage increases as a positive thing, more money for those who don't have the luxury of having a high-paying and sucure job. I, for one say fuck them, and fuck minimum wage increases.
Whenever the government jacks up minimum wage, they are giving lots of hard working individuals a swift kick right in thier already broken balls. I'm talking about any person who's been able to hold a shitty job for more than a year, and actually earns thier own pay increases through hard work, dedication, and amazing ability to tough it out as they get fucked each day they go to work.
When they increase minimum wage, they are basically giving anyone who's making slightly more than minimum wage a pay cut, because in most circumstances the company that they work for won't raise thier pay in relation to minimum wage. So when people who make a dollar more than new employees suddenly only makes 60 cents more thier balls get broken.
Let's take a look at people who make minimum wage, and we'll see why they don't deserve to make more money.
Highschool Students: All this extra money is only going to make highschool kids drive nicer, more reliable cars than me, and pimp them out with abnoxious stereos that will blast shitty g-unit music beside me at red lights while they do a faggy white guy gansta lean as they think to them selves "I'm so deadly, check me out."
University Students: Technically they don't even have to work, they get money and credit cards given to them no questions asked, and when they have family members that they can still mooch off of, then they are living an easy life of going on road trips and always having money for booze. I think $7.55 is more than sufficient for all those lazy hippies and ultimate frizbee playing douchebags.
Retired Bitches At Mcdonalds That Chase You Down For Stealing A Tray: I mean really? did she think that saving that tray was gunna get her bumped up to supervisor or something? Anyway, the elderly only work because they are bored, when I'm bored I watch TV, play video games and masturbate, but you don't see anyone paying me $7.95 for doing it. I'd say we should just kill them all, but if I want a BigMac before highschool kids get out of school and drive thier lazy asses to work in thier fancy new 2004 car, I'd totally be fucked.
Waitresses: An average cook is making about 10 bucks an hour (tip-out included) and waitresses are now making damn near 8, cooks work much harder than waitresses (usually because of a waitress's extreme incompetence) but waitresses do have to deal with shitty customers, seems fair right? But, even the stupidest, ugliest, fattest 15 year waitress on her very first day of work will make more than $16 in an 8 hour shift. In fact it'll probably be about $60-100. Most waitresses don't have use thier regular pay for anything including: rent, bills, car payments, drinking, drugs, fake tits, tampons, baking and cleaning supplies and the pill. So after a year of full-time waitressing they usually have a bank account sitting pretty at about 15 grand... mine is sitting pretty at about $200 right before a paycheck, as a cook you can understand why I kind of want to kill people.
Dishwashers: Typically dishwashers fall into the highschool category... cept they are usually bigger fuck-ups than your usual highschool kid and is either an E-tard, or a drunk, who will of course spend all that money on drugs, and getting drunk before work doing a hit and run... then ultimately getting fired. But thats niether here or there. The other half of dishwashers are people who are just plain slow, and are usually porn addicts or pedophiles. Here are some actual testimonials about a dishwasher I know.
"He just said that 'If I we're 20 years younger I would totally date you waitresses, you're all so fucking cute.'" -Lauren
"If you take out all of the if's and or's he's basically saying that he wants to fuck 17 year old girls." -Myself
"We should probably be alerting authorities about this... cept it's kind of funny." -Josh
"As a father of a young daughter it frieghtens me that there are people like that out there." -Tim
"I never thought my biggest fear in life would be getting raped by a 48 year old man." -Conner (male cook that was offered a place to live and a phone number... like Josh said, it's kind of funny)
"I've had to tell cooks to quit hitting on the girls, but I've never had to tell a male dishwasher to stop hitting on the guys before." -Sean (manager)
"Can't you fire him for making us feel uncomphortable all the time?" -Jess
Giving this man more money will only make it so he can afford a better computer to try and find more woman over the internet. He told us that he was going to meet one of these women... one with 2 kids... What kind of lies does this man tell these women (or men or boys I believe he may be the head of the saskatoon chapter of Nambla) He probably tells them things like "I'm totally not a 48 year old, balding, mentally challenged dishwasher at grainfields... oh and I totally don't wanna have sex with your children." I for one do not support these people, and if you support minimum wage increases, you are basically placing a naked young child in front of a pedophile with a boner.
Loser Vs. Loser counter-commentary, Joel:
Well, my work, which is a bunch of cheap motherfuckers who are assholes and treat the staff like shit (i.e. selling the staff parking lot so we don't have a place to park, and not letting us having screenings until after may, when all the badass movies are gone, etc.) are fighting head-office so we can get a .40 cent raise to co-incide with the minimum wage hike. Its always confused me why there isn't a mandatory raise with minimum wage increases, but the Saskatchewan government has a long history of being idiots.
I concur with 85% of the people at work not deserving a pay increase. In fact, i can't believe we pay them. I sort of figured it was some community retard-outreach or getting prostitutes real jobs sort of thing. Apparently not.
I basically fill all the critera for Jay to hate me, except i have no car because my stupid asshole dad sold it, so all the highschool kids there have nicer cars then me. I don't have a student line of credit and my parents don't buy me shit. Basically God hates me and takes it out on me by doing subversive evil shit. Except for this .40 raise. Fuck you God.
Most people see minimum wage increases as a positive thing, more money for those who don't have the luxury of having a high-paying and sucure job. I, for one say fuck them, and fuck minimum wage increases.
Whenever the government jacks up minimum wage, they are giving lots of hard working individuals a swift kick right in thier already broken balls. I'm talking about any person who's been able to hold a shitty job for more than a year, and actually earns thier own pay increases through hard work, dedication, and amazing ability to tough it out as they get fucked each day they go to work.
When they increase minimum wage, they are basically giving anyone who's making slightly more than minimum wage a pay cut, because in most circumstances the company that they work for won't raise thier pay in relation to minimum wage. So when people who make a dollar more than new employees suddenly only makes 60 cents more thier balls get broken.
Let's take a look at people who make minimum wage, and we'll see why they don't deserve to make more money.
Highschool Students: All this extra money is only going to make highschool kids drive nicer, more reliable cars than me, and pimp them out with abnoxious stereos that will blast shitty g-unit music beside me at red lights while they do a faggy white guy gansta lean as they think to them selves "I'm so deadly, check me out."
University Students: Technically they don't even have to work, they get money and credit cards given to them no questions asked, and when they have family members that they can still mooch off of, then they are living an easy life of going on road trips and always having money for booze. I think $7.55 is more than sufficient for all those lazy hippies and ultimate frizbee playing douchebags.
Retired Bitches At Mcdonalds That Chase You Down For Stealing A Tray: I mean really? did she think that saving that tray was gunna get her bumped up to supervisor or something? Anyway, the elderly only work because they are bored, when I'm bored I watch TV, play video games and masturbate, but you don't see anyone paying me $7.95 for doing it. I'd say we should just kill them all, but if I want a BigMac before highschool kids get out of school and drive thier lazy asses to work in thier fancy new 2004 car, I'd totally be fucked.
Waitresses: An average cook is making about 10 bucks an hour (tip-out included) and waitresses are now making damn near 8, cooks work much harder than waitresses (usually because of a waitress's extreme incompetence) but waitresses do have to deal with shitty customers, seems fair right? But, even the stupidest, ugliest, fattest 15 year waitress on her very first day of work will make more than $16 in an 8 hour shift. In fact it'll probably be about $60-100. Most waitresses don't have use thier regular pay for anything including: rent, bills, car payments, drinking, drugs, fake tits, tampons, baking and cleaning supplies and the pill. So after a year of full-time waitressing they usually have a bank account sitting pretty at about 15 grand... mine is sitting pretty at about $200 right before a paycheck, as a cook you can understand why I kind of want to kill people.
Dishwashers: Typically dishwashers fall into the highschool category... cept they are usually bigger fuck-ups than your usual highschool kid and is either an E-tard, or a drunk, who will of course spend all that money on drugs, and getting drunk before work doing a hit and run... then ultimately getting fired. But thats niether here or there. The other half of dishwashers are people who are just plain slow, and are usually porn addicts or pedophiles. Here are some actual testimonials about a dishwasher I know.
"He just said that 'If I we're 20 years younger I would totally date you waitresses, you're all so fucking cute.'" -Lauren
"If you take out all of the if's and or's he's basically saying that he wants to fuck 17 year old girls." -Myself
"We should probably be alerting authorities about this... cept it's kind of funny." -Josh
"As a father of a young daughter it frieghtens me that there are people like that out there." -Tim
"I never thought my biggest fear in life would be getting raped by a 48 year old man." -Conner (male cook that was offered a place to live and a phone number... like Josh said, it's kind of funny)
"I've had to tell cooks to quit hitting on the girls, but I've never had to tell a male dishwasher to stop hitting on the guys before." -Sean (manager)
"Can't you fire him for making us feel uncomphortable all the time?" -Jess
Giving this man more money will only make it so he can afford a better computer to try and find more woman over the internet. He told us that he was going to meet one of these women... one with 2 kids... What kind of lies does this man tell these women (or men or boys I believe he may be the head of the saskatoon chapter of Nambla) He probably tells them things like "I'm totally not a 48 year old, balding, mentally challenged dishwasher at grainfields... oh and I totally don't wanna have sex with your children." I for one do not support these people, and if you support minimum wage increases, you are basically placing a naked young child in front of a pedophile with a boner.
Loser Vs. Loser counter-commentary, Joel:
Well, my work, which is a bunch of cheap motherfuckers who are assholes and treat the staff like shit (i.e. selling the staff parking lot so we don't have a place to park, and not letting us having screenings until after may, when all the badass movies are gone, etc.) are fighting head-office so we can get a .40 cent raise to co-incide with the minimum wage hike. Its always confused me why there isn't a mandatory raise with minimum wage increases, but the Saskatchewan government has a long history of being idiots.
I concur with 85% of the people at work not deserving a pay increase. In fact, i can't believe we pay them. I sort of figured it was some community retard-outreach or getting prostitutes real jobs sort of thing. Apparently not.
I basically fill all the critera for Jay to hate me, except i have no car because my stupid asshole dad sold it, so all the highschool kids there have nicer cars then me. I don't have a student line of credit and my parents don't buy me shit. Basically God hates me and takes it out on me by doing subversive evil shit. Except for this .40 raise. Fuck you God.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Return to Real Blogging
Sean brings up a good point. No one blogs anymore.
The thing is - and i have freely admitted this for years now, even while being in direct violation of it - blogging is for douchebags. Blogging is like everything wrong with the world (also facebook and non-music myspace) but - simply put - its the easiest forum for telling people you do not see what is going on in your world. It also offers a different medium for different asthetics (read: crappy jokes).
I've mostly finished a movie I will youtube and have some shit in the reserve but life is crazy-hectic right now. I got a giant penis for my birthday. Let that ruminate in your minds (if anyone reads this - boins my man i know you do you commentless bastard) and we'll work on bringing up viewership over the next month. (readership? I dunno).
Duncan should also join, but that would risk us being Loser Vs. Loser Vs. Loser-Douchebag (thats Duncan)
Also, final note: I found Duncan is a Fag on my old cd backup disc, i'll work on letting you all hear it
Cheers,
Joe
The thing is - and i have freely admitted this for years now, even while being in direct violation of it - blogging is for douchebags. Blogging is like everything wrong with the world (also facebook and non-music myspace) but - simply put - its the easiest forum for telling people you do not see what is going on in your world. It also offers a different medium for different asthetics (read: crappy jokes).
I've mostly finished a movie I will youtube and have some shit in the reserve but life is crazy-hectic right now. I got a giant penis for my birthday. Let that ruminate in your minds (if anyone reads this - boins my man i know you do you commentless bastard) and we'll work on bringing up viewership over the next month. (readership? I dunno).
Duncan should also join, but that would risk us being Loser Vs. Loser Vs. Loser-Douchebag (thats Duncan)
Also, final note: I found Duncan is a Fag on my old cd backup disc, i'll work on letting you all hear it
Cheers,
Joe
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Near Death Experience And Green Beer Day.
Tonight in Saskatoon The Pussycat Dolls are entertaining many young impressional future-sluts with thier lip-synching and provocative dancing slutfest of awesomeness. But in the far away land of Regina, something much, much more awesome is melting the faces off of the saskatchewan metal-head masses. I'm talking about the legendary Black Sabbath, and the legendary Ronnie James Dio, back together under the moniker 'Heaven and Hell'... even though everyone will still call them 'Sabbath with Dio.'
Quick heavy metal history lesson for you all. Dio was the man who gave birth to the 'devil horns' that I'm sure each and everyone of you have saluted your favorite band with at some point in time. Dio replaced Ozzy and made 2 very under-rated albums with Sabbath. Tenacious D have a song about Dio, and is featured in thier masterpiece 'The Pick Of Destiny.' Dio is Jack Black's hero. Dio was featured in the South Park episode 'hooked on phonics monkey' (not his actual voice) Dio is a 65 year-old-ever-shrinking man of 5 feet and 3 inches of pure metal ass-kickery.
If seeing Toni Iommi shred it up with the band that invented heavy music isn't enough to blow the awesome receptors in your brain, then the opening act should surely do just that. Opening for Heaven and Hell is the man, the god, Dave Mustaine with his band Megadeth, a band that kicks so much ass that they were featured on both Guitar Hero's (note: Sabbath was also on both games... but niether of them during the Dio years)
Kyle and myself decided that this is something that we just cannot miss. So we picked up our tickets from the Tcup, then hit the road to get our jeans creamed (we were both wearing denim pants) Now my car purrs like a kitten and I have no real problems with it at all, but since I havn't really hit the road with it we decided to cristen it with it's very first road trip with a short but sweet journey. I knew that my car was acting kind of shakey, and I first assumed that it was because of a bent rim, because my sister had the same problem with her car, which was the same model, cept a few years newer than mine. I was wrong. We passed the Grasswood Esso doing about 120 because we left late, and speeding was neccesary for us to make it to the concert on time. The car was shaking, but I shrugged it off, and figured I could deal with it before the car does it's next roadtrip. BAM! the rear passenger tire blew out like it was shot with a gun. Because of my lack of vagina I was able to not spin out of control and safely pull over to the side of the road. A man in a car behind us also pulled over to make sure we we're okay, nice guy... but he had the same car as me, so the thought of beating his ass down and stealing his tire crossed my mind.
Put on the spare, came back home.
We attempted to return our tickets, but it was a no go. Fuck you ticketmaster!
So we decided to do what anyone who almost dies does, we picked up some beers, and started drinking.
And then we just sat back drinking beer, feeling as if we had just got our tire shot out then robbed $45 by a mad-man who only victimizes people with high hopes. But I suppose things arn't too bad, we did end up making progress with what might be the greatest song ever written, and we also didn't die, and more importantly I didn't die a virgin.
Now I sit in front of my computer, first green beer of St. Patty's day in hand (I'm sort of an expert at one hand typing) and I look forward to the future. So tommorow when you go out and get stupid drunk off of green beer, make sure you have a safe ride home, because if your not alive, how can you enjoy things like getting stupid drunk off of green beer? And how could you enjoy seeing Andrew WK when he comes to town sometime next month? (I think it's next month)
Anyway, Happy St Patty's Day.
Quick heavy metal history lesson for you all. Dio was the man who gave birth to the 'devil horns' that I'm sure each and everyone of you have saluted your favorite band with at some point in time. Dio replaced Ozzy and made 2 very under-rated albums with Sabbath. Tenacious D have a song about Dio, and is featured in thier masterpiece 'The Pick Of Destiny.' Dio is Jack Black's hero. Dio was featured in the South Park episode 'hooked on phonics monkey' (not his actual voice) Dio is a 65 year-old-ever-shrinking man of 5 feet and 3 inches of pure metal ass-kickery.
If seeing Toni Iommi shred it up with the band that invented heavy music isn't enough to blow the awesome receptors in your brain, then the opening act should surely do just that. Opening for Heaven and Hell is the man, the god, Dave Mustaine with his band Megadeth, a band that kicks so much ass that they were featured on both Guitar Hero's (note: Sabbath was also on both games... but niether of them during the Dio years)
Kyle and myself decided that this is something that we just cannot miss. So we picked up our tickets from the Tcup, then hit the road to get our jeans creamed (we were both wearing denim pants) Now my car purrs like a kitten and I have no real problems with it at all, but since I havn't really hit the road with it we decided to cristen it with it's very first road trip with a short but sweet journey. I knew that my car was acting kind of shakey, and I first assumed that it was because of a bent rim, because my sister had the same problem with her car, which was the same model, cept a few years newer than mine. I was wrong. We passed the Grasswood Esso doing about 120 because we left late, and speeding was neccesary for us to make it to the concert on time. The car was shaking, but I shrugged it off, and figured I could deal with it before the car does it's next roadtrip. BAM! the rear passenger tire blew out like it was shot with a gun. Because of my lack of vagina I was able to not spin out of control and safely pull over to the side of the road. A man in a car behind us also pulled over to make sure we we're okay, nice guy... but he had the same car as me, so the thought of beating his ass down and stealing his tire crossed my mind.
Put on the spare, came back home.
We attempted to return our tickets, but it was a no go. Fuck you ticketmaster!
So we decided to do what anyone who almost dies does, we picked up some beers, and started drinking.
And then we just sat back drinking beer, feeling as if we had just got our tire shot out then robbed $45 by a mad-man who only victimizes people with high hopes. But I suppose things arn't too bad, we did end up making progress with what might be the greatest song ever written, and we also didn't die, and more importantly I didn't die a virgin.
Now I sit in front of my computer, first green beer of St. Patty's day in hand (I'm sort of an expert at one hand typing) and I look forward to the future. So tommorow when you go out and get stupid drunk off of green beer, make sure you have a safe ride home, because if your not alive, how can you enjoy things like getting stupid drunk off of green beer? And how could you enjoy seeing Andrew WK when he comes to town sometime next month? (I think it's next month)
Anyway, Happy St Patty's Day.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Welcome!
Well since Joel and myself don't blog all that much anymore, we figured we'd combine blogs and have a site that is more frequently updated for all of our thousands of loyal fans out there.
We'll discuss more worldly issues, and possibly offer some sort of movie reviews, and or gossip that we'll likely rip off of shows, news and magazines that people actually watch, read and enjoy. The beauty of this site is that you will have opinions from a highly educated university type who can't get laid, and your every day working class piece of shit, who also can't get laid.
I hope you enjoy our new collaboration, and hopefully this won't end up being the only post we ever do.
We'll discuss more worldly issues, and possibly offer some sort of movie reviews, and or gossip that we'll likely rip off of shows, news and magazines that people actually watch, read and enjoy. The beauty of this site is that you will have opinions from a highly educated university type who can't get laid, and your every day working class piece of shit, who also can't get laid.
I hope you enjoy our new collaboration, and hopefully this won't end up being the only post we ever do.
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Test Post Alpha Beta One
What is the difference between Period Juice and Sand?
You can't gargle sand.
You can't gargle sand.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)